The purpose of family is to protect you. An incredibly important need for human survival.

On the flipside, those who know you one way in a protector role will want to keep you in that box. They want to know you from the box you are in.

When you are leaping into a new career, a daring project, a fresh start, protectors sometimes want to keep you in the box and they don’t help you unleash your new power.

When this happens, don't ignore your protectors. You need them. Instead lean in a bit more and try to understand where they are coming from.

Listen to them and always ask: why are they saying what they are saying? Is a corporate exec mentoring you telling you to go to McKinsey? Is a book author saying that a book is the right way to launch a business?  Of course—that is their worldview. All advice is all opinion—based on what one knows from their life experience. Its not the answer, for you. YOU determine that for yourself.

So listen to your protectors, but also listen to that inner force that is guiding your new self in the world. 

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. –Martha Graham

Where is your vitality and how will you let it shine?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
— Marianne Williamson

When did you feel alive and let your light shine today? 

Have you heard or said this before? I’m sure guilty of it.

We are all busy—me, you, and everyone else.  There is not enough time to go to the gym, cook, meet with friends, start a new project, read a book, and call a friend.

The reality is that life is not about time but about commitment, connection to outrage, hope, and a belief that your leadership will lead to real change.  Saying "I am too busy" is an excuse. 

We must ground our work in commitments that matter rather than tell everyone we are just "too busy" already. It’s a cop-out. It doesn’t serve. Saying "I cant commit to this right now because XX" rather than "I’m really busy" is a much more truthful, honest and real conversation to have with ourselves and with other people. Knowing what matters and what doesn't matter is the end game, not having 'time' is all in our heads.

So when you feel "too busy", keep asking yourself: Are you spending your time and energy in your work connecting with the values that inspire you to act?

“At first they ignore you”

Then they laugh at you

Then they fight with you

Then you win” -Gandhi

 

I love reverse motivation.. My parents are physicians, they only know that becoming a doctor is the way to go for a good Indian girl in America to succeed. That’s their reality. Its not mine. So time and time again, I hear their doubts of my business success: are you sure? Be financially focused. Or the friend from Harvard say: are you scared?

You know the situation where your friend, or your parents, or a teacher doubts something that you believe you can do. They doubt you can start a company after school or travel to india alone or become an author or go to a top school. They don’t believe it is true. The real truth is that its bogus. What they say is a reflection of what story they believe, NOT your reality.

But instead of reacting to the nay-sayers with revenge, blame, or negative energy, I call it reverse motivation.

I don’t believe in proving ourselves to the nay-sayers, I think that is all driven from the ego. But I do believe in serving ourselves, I think that is driven from the heart. And our hearts defines where we need to be. Reverse motivation can be an energizing force when held carefully. Its not something to tread quickly on, but if you stop and reassess: why are they saying what they are saying? What in THEIR worldview is making them say this, you usually understand.

I use to respond and say: “they just don’t get it”, yet I realized the truth is really: they’re in the learning process and they are at this stage. And what I can do is to meet people where they are, not try to change them—and stay reverse motivated as I grow. 

Recently, one of my blog readers Daniel Afiakurue asked me:  “I don't have a problem getting noticed wherever I go, but i want to know how to get hired via applications where the HR manager or employer is not in contact with me. I really dont know if its the cover letters or the CVs. “

First, I hear you Daniel. Recently I was asked to submit a CV for a fellowship I was already accepted to. I haven’t updated my CV since my business school summer internship. I was like..really? I’m in and you still need my CV? I realized how resistant I was to sending it.

Why send them a boring one piece of paper when I can send them my website?—where I carefully show my complete offerings, my creds, my writing? Why make myself look like ‘everyone else’ in that plain one sheet of paper?

Large companies like McKinsey and Goldman have already set up structures for CVs and cover letters to be sent..and then ignored. They use a machine to sift through thousands of CVs and cover letters only to pick candidates out that have ‘skill’ matches with what the company needs.

The truth is –there is a lot more that could be done to show who you are and what you truly care about in order to not get confined by the walls of what others perceive.

When you want to get hired, don’t waste all your time on a CV—that makes you look like everyone else. Find a way to stand out, send them an article you wrote, a website or blog you have, setup a call with someone on their team, just call them directly, go to their networking reception, or find another way for them to get to know a little more about who you REALLY are, rather than what they interpret on a page about you. 

In my last Forbes piece on How to Get Noticed, Get Hired or Just About Anything Else You Want Too, a big outcome was that many Gen Y leaders resonated with the need to ask for help to unleash their career potential. Sometimes they didn't want to bothers others or take time out of other people's days because it felt selfish. They didn't know how to engage or write the email to connect with someone else in an authentic way.

What do I think? This emotion is all driven by the fear of connecting and limits our collective capacity to come together. And that fear is the opposite of what we need in today's world. So I decided to write a follow up on a critical step in the process of asking for help: 5 tips on how to write an email that people actually read. Check out my most recent Amex OPEN Forum blog post here to learn how to make your email stand out in the crowd, in a way that matters to others and contributes to the world. Be sure to ask a specific question, honor their contribution, and offer ways to give back. 

So go out there and send your pitch email —and let us know how it goes! Get Noticed! 

“Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity,

and responsibility to give something back by becoming

more” -Anthony Robbins

 

How will you become more today?