“A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the luster of the firmament of bards and sages.” –Ralph Emerson

Happy New Year! Welcome to 2013. I love the New Year because it brings so much creative and reflective energy and it's time to set up your goals and vision for how you'd like to live out this year.

Why set goals or a vision? Odds are your chances for success will go up much higher if you spend time developing an image of the future and what you would like this future reality to look like. Yet, the key pitfall I often see in New Years resolutions is a sole focus on doing something rather than being someone. Many tend to deflect to the 'roles' that they have played in the past and how they will continue to play them in the future.

For instance, if you are asked “Who am I?” Often you might start answering with roles that you have played out: “I am an…employee, manager, woman, mother, brother, etc…” But the truth is: You are not your role identities, nor are you a composite of these identities. Each of these are a social construct. So when setting goals this year, beware of getting stuck in your past identities of what you have done before you imagine what you'd like to create.

When you are setting up your vision for this upcoming year, start fresh. Instead of asking yourself 'What can I do this year?', ask yourself 'Who could I be this year'? Imagine and experiment new ways you can live and you'll be surprised by what you find. You may discover aspirations you never knew you had or you may confirm goals that you have been waiting to live out.

Regardless, my greatest wish is that you make 2013 a manifestation of your absolute best self! It's January…time to get the year rolling!

The purpose of family is to protect you. An incredibly important need for human survival.

On the flipside, those who know you one way in a protector role will want to keep you in that box. They want to know you from the box you are in.

When you are leaping into a new career, a daring project, a fresh start, protectors sometimes want to keep you in the box and they don’t help you unleash your new power.

When this happens, don't ignore your protectors. You need them. Instead lean in a bit more and try to understand where they are coming from.

Listen to them and always ask: why are they saying what they are saying? Is a corporate exec mentoring you telling you to go to McKinsey? Is a book author saying that a book is the right way to launch a business?  Of course—that is their worldview. All advice is all opinion—based on what one knows from their life experience. Its not the answer, for you. YOU determine that for yourself.

So listen to your protectors, but also listen to that inner force that is guiding your new self in the world. 

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. –Martha Graham

Where is your vitality and how will you let it shine?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
— Marianne Williamson

When did you feel alive and let your light shine today? 

Have you heard or said this before? I’m sure guilty of it.

We are all busy—me, you, and everyone else.  There is not enough time to go to the gym, cook, meet with friends, start a new project, read a book, and call a friend.

The reality is that life is not about time but about commitment, connection to outrage, hope, and a belief that your leadership will lead to real change.  Saying "I am too busy" is an excuse. 

We must ground our work in commitments that matter rather than tell everyone we are just "too busy" already. It’s a cop-out. It doesn’t serve. Saying "I cant commit to this right now because XX" rather than "I’m really busy" is a much more truthful, honest and real conversation to have with ourselves and with other people. Knowing what matters and what doesn't matter is the end game, not having 'time' is all in our heads.

So when you feel "too busy", keep asking yourself: Are you spending your time and energy in your work connecting with the values that inspire you to act?

“At first they ignore you”

Then they laugh at you

Then they fight with you

Then you win” -Gandhi

 

I love reverse motivation.. My parents are physicians, they only know that becoming a doctor is the way to go for a good Indian girl in America to succeed. That’s their reality. Its not mine. So time and time again, I hear their doubts of my business success: are you sure? Be financially focused. Or the friend from Harvard say: are you scared?

You know the situation where your friend, or your parents, or a teacher doubts something that you believe you can do. They doubt you can start a company after school or travel to india alone or become an author or go to a top school. They don’t believe it is true. The real truth is that its bogus. What they say is a reflection of what story they believe, NOT your reality.

But instead of reacting to the nay-sayers with revenge, blame, or negative energy, I call it reverse motivation.

I don’t believe in proving ourselves to the nay-sayers, I think that is all driven from the ego. But I do believe in serving ourselves, I think that is driven from the heart. And our hearts defines where we need to be. Reverse motivation can be an energizing force when held carefully. Its not something to tread quickly on, but if you stop and reassess: why are they saying what they are saying? What in THEIR worldview is making them say this, you usually understand.

I use to respond and say: “they just don’t get it”, yet I realized the truth is really: they’re in the learning process and they are at this stage. And what I can do is to meet people where they are, not try to change them—and stay reverse motivated as I grow.