When we network with individuals to get a new job or business deal, we often ask: what sector have you worked in? What was your rank / title? What skills to do you have to offer based on your prior experience? All of this thinking is based on past patterns, and influenced by systems that encourage each of us to take a certain type of “role”. Getting a business card or becoming a Linkedin contact does not build trust or a real relationship.
Its all simply because we often do not ask the right questions when we network. We don’t tap into what the other person really wants to do, when you let go of and fade out the way our system encourages us to network for Facebook friends and business cards rather than to build trust. What about asking: When have you had your greatest accomplishments and why? What does success look like for you? What work environments do you thrive in? What type of people do you want to be around? Why did you choose certain roles? What challenges did you face? What do your challenges call you to do now?
There is a complete shift in thinking when we ask different questions. Many MBA students talk to me about how networking provides the ground to meet a lot of people, yet networking does not delve to the core with someone else, nor does it inspire. It may be conducive to getting a referral and it will rarely get you a commitment. In order to build relationships, we need ask difficult questions, and be willing to truly listen.
So the next time you are networking, while you may have a specific goal in mind let the relationship drive what the partnership might stand for. Explore one another’s interests first, instead of telling someone what you want and letting them decide if they want to join up.
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