I didn’t learn to ride a bike through bicyclology, I learned by failing and trying again.

Falling off a bike hurts. Falling is painful. Much like I did not learn how to ride a bike without falling, I did not learn how to lead without failing. Little did I know coming into the last few years as an entrepreneur that failing was okay, and something that would help me grow as a leader. At first, my experience as an entrepreneur on a social enterprise in India back in 2008 was like being lost in the dark abyss of a cave: I felt alone, stuck, and like a complete failure. I was exhausted and frustrated with my failed attempts.

Then I realized that it was just a process like learning to ride a bike. You can learn to ride a bike by watching youtube video instructions or you can learn to ride a bike by surrounding yourself with others who are riding theirs and practicing it with them. When my mindset shifted, I became ambitious, risk-seeking, and much more successful in my startup by learning through my failures.

Each of us have the desire to find the ‘bicyclology” of career and life development. We want a set of memorization techniques and bullet pointed lists to get started. Yet the truth is we have to re-orient our practice of learning from ‘technical’ fixes to more adaptive responses. These adaptive responses require the toleration for ambiguity, the allowance of failure, and the ability to say ‘I don’t know it all.’ From there, we start moving on our new bikes, the brakes may be slow, we may fall sometimes, yet we truly embark on a path we crave with real energy and passion.

When was the last time you fell off your bike in a way that set you on a new road to adventure?

If you want more bike riding, check out my FREE Generational Alchemy Library here for tools and scripts on writing, leadership, and careers. My goal is to give you the best toolbox to tap into your creativity and transform your life, organization, and world. 

And if you are a woman entrepreneur, check out the free Find Your True Self quest at TheGalahads.com to discover your own bike riding adventure waiting to happen. More details on The Galahads coming soon!

‘Nuff said.

I recently met Michael Jones, a famous pianist and leadership educator who has spent a lifetime at the intersection of music and leadership. He told a story from years ago of a stranger who came up to him and said: who is going to play your music if you don’t play yourself? It was at a time when he was planning a more traditional life as an organizational consultant. This single question re-directed his lifetime career as a pianist.

Whether we are social activists, business leaders, writers, entrepreneurs, consultants, each of us has our own music. The challenge is society gives us immediate rewards to tell someone else’s story, not our own.

I recently was honored to be interviewed by No Country for Young Women  on my work in next generation leadership for companies and individuals. What resonated with readers most was my sense that young leaders need to stop idolizing certain power players like Sheryl Sandberg or Oprah and putting them on a pedestal. Rather we need to do our OWN unique work in the world. As Nilofer Merchant said to me, “Until we own our onlyness, we can never own the agency to create change / innovate.”

For each of us, we were put in this world to do our own work. The beauty is that sometimes unexpected life experiences, such as a question from a stranger, leave us with the real question. The key to showing our gifts is our own aliveness, to feel most engaged into what we are doing. It’s when we feel, this is who I am, this is why I am here. Living life is about the sense of aliveness. When we are most alive, we are most in our gift. The analytical world promotes how we do it, and what we choose to do needs to come from a deeper intuition. When we are following our own aliveness, what guides us is a thread more than a plan.

So, who is going to play your music if you don’t play it yourself?

To start playing, here’s an exercise for you from the Domino Project: When did you feel most alive recently? Where were you? What did you smell? What sights and sounds did you experience? Capture that moment on paper and recall that feeling. Then, when it’s time to create something, read your own words to reclaim a sense of being to motivate you to complete a task at hand.

When we network with individuals to get a new job or business deal, we often ask: what sector have you worked in? What was your rank / title? What skills to do you have to offer based on your prior experience? All of this thinking is based on past patterns, and influenced by systems that encourage each of us to take a certain type of “role”. Getting a business card or becoming a Linkedin contact does not build trust or a real relationship.

Its all simply because we often do not ask the right questions when we network. We don’t tap into what the other person really wants to do, when you let go of and fade out the way our system encourages us to network for Facebook friends and business cards rather than to build trust. What about asking: When have you had your greatest accomplishments and why? What does success look like for you? What work environments do you thrive in? What type of people do you want to be around? Why did you choose certain roles? What challenges did you face? What do your challenges call you to do now?

There is a complete shift in thinking when we ask different questions. Many MBA students talk to me about how networking provides the ground to meet a lot of people, yet networking does not delve to the core with someone else, nor does it inspire. It may be conducive to getting a referral and it will rarely get you a commitment. In order to build relationships, we need ask difficult questions, and be willing to truly listen.

So the next time you are networking, while you may have a specific goal in mind let the relationship drive what the partnership might stand for. Explore one another’s interests first, instead of telling someone what you want and letting them decide if they want to join up.