Highlights from TEDxWomen

This post was cross-published at Levo League.

TEDxWomen was an inspiring day packed with female change agents and innovators. More than 100 TEDxWomen gatherings convened all over world, including the first ever TEDx event in Libya. The themes of the day were Resilience, Relationships, ReImagine, and Rebirth. My favorite speakers were many of the Gen Y women who took the stage: Claire Sannini, a 8th grade girl who spoke about her experience with girl bullying alongside Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out, and Busisiwe Mkhumbuzi, an amazing 17 year old girl from Johannesburg and V-Girls action team leader.
Here are some of my most memorable quotes from the amazing group of speakers:

  • Gayle Lemmon, writer and journalist: “If you see the word micro finance most people think women. If you think entrepreneur most people think men. We must move beyond micro hopes and micro ambitions for women…Women can no longer be both 50 percent of the population and a special interest group.”
  • Jennifer Newsom, producer of Miss Representation: “The media is killing our daughters’ ambition and destroying empathy and emotion in our sons..3 percent of decision makers of media are women, 97 percent of decisions are made by men. For the 97 percent, I challenge you to mentor women up the ladder and help promote them. Let’s demand a media culture that uplifts us all, inspires our daughters to be president, our sons to be empathic partners.”
  • Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out: “In a 2006 study, 74 percent of girls were under pressure to please everyone. If we want girls to be resilient, we have to give them the skills to navigate.”
  • Shahira Amin, Egyptian journalist: “Women are the future of the new Egypt; they will lead, and men will follow.”
  • Gloria Steinem, author and feminist activist: “My generation thought life was over at 30 and your generation feels like you have to be successful before 30.”

This is just a small dose of an incredible set of women and men that came together to hear groundbreaking ideas to advance women and girls. Stay tuned as TEDxWomen will publish the various talks online in the coming days!

Share your personal brand

This post was cross-published at Levo League and Sloan Women in Management blog.

On Thursday Nov 3, Suzanne Bates, an expert on personal branding and author of Discover your CEO Brand spoke at the Successful You! Women’s Leadership Forum sponsored by Microsoft. She asked the middle and senior women managers in the room, “What is a brand? What is your personal brand? How do you figure out what your brand is and leverage value in your career and business?” When asked how many people knew what their brand was, about 25% of the room raised their hands.

Suzanne says, “a brand is the conversation people have about you.” A personal brand is not a first impression, it is a consistent message that builds over time. The very effective great leaders not only know who they are, but also they know what they stand for. As people understand who you are and what you stand for your value grows. For example, Amazon is one of the most trusted brands in the world. Every time you go there you have same experience and they give you preferences of items to buy based on what they know about you.

Two personal branding tips from Suzanne are:

1) Communicating your brand drives exceptional value, it attracts people and opportunity. When the right leader is matched up with the right organization at the right time, the results are spectacular. Be bigger-a brand can always be more.

2) Connect your values to actions and results.  She describes that sharing a personal story is a powerful brand builder. Ursula Burns, CEO of Xerox says, “Never be a victim, circumstances don’t define anyone, where you are is not who you are.”

At first, I was hesitant to publicize my brand and expertise on women, leadership and movement. I soon realized that it’s not about me. It’s about my work in the world and I am just a vehicle. If I get nervous before a speech, if I hold back in my writing, if I don’t share my personal brand, I’m not serving my purpose. Forget the imposter syndrome—share your personal brand!

Changing Wall St’s view of Occupy Wall St


On September 23, 2011, a Youtube video went up titled “Wall Street Mocks Protesters By Drinking Champagne 2011.” In fact this was not a group of Wall Street bankers mocking protestors, this video included someone I know from my time at Lehman Brothers. I learned it was a wedding engagement party hosted at an Italian restaurant. It had nothing to do with the protests.

Needless to say, I was quite perturbed about the mixed social media about the movement. I had also been influenced by my grad school island and reading the ‘rant’ rages in the Wall Street Journal and NYTimes. I remained disgrunted about the situation for a week or so.

As the protests continued, I realized I had a choice: I could continue to complain about Occupy Wall St like some of my MBA classmates and banker friends or participate and shape it in way I believed in it. I felt straddled in between my two worlds as an ex-investment banker and as a social activist. So I chose to participate.

I went to OccupyBoston last weekend and Occupy Wall St in NYC this weekend. This time, in NYC, I didn’t come alone. I brought 2 friends with me. There were two male Wall Street bankers, one who had worked for Goldman Sachs and another who worked for Bear Stearns. Originally, they were both cynical of the protests after seeing the youtube videos and reading the rant rages in the news. I asked them to join me to have an informed dialogue with the protestors and stop relying on media news that confused us all. We used a conversation tool designed by the Presencing Institute to engage around the root causes of the economic crisis and the emergence of this movement.  The thing that struck me most is that these two communities had so much more to learn from eachother than to antagonize eachother. After the dialogue, my Wall St friends told me that they realized that this was more about a leadership problem in banking and government institutions than the ‘news rants’ or youtube videos they saw online. It made us all think hard about what should be done.

I for one am thrilled and excited to see the Occupy Wall St movement take shape. As a former Lehman banker and women’s right activist, I have been both inside Wall St buildings and outside in protests on Washington, DC.

This movement is part of a global trend. There is something really important that is happening, the voice of young and old people coming together in solidarity and wanting to participate in the solution. Just because the movement is not ‘well articulated’ yet does not mean it won’t be very soon.

From a leadership perspective, I wonder how we can make this movement more cross sector, engaging more people in the banking industry to have conversations with protestors. Occupy Wall St is engaging and sparking new conversations (see OccupyCafe), but what we also need is more cross-institutional dialogue to collectively respond to the systemic root issues that underlie the current landscape of this crisis.

 

The Girl Effect: Invest in Girls

Today is the launch of the Girl Effect Blogging Campaign, a collaborative effort of hundreds of bloggers coming together to write about The Girl Effect on Oct 4, 2011.

To start, watch this 2 min video.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53yuF64UgSM&w=420&h=315]

It’s clear. The studies show that investment in women and girls can change the world and the way we live.

Growing up in a South Asian family of physicians, there was always a ‘conventional path’ for a girl to take. When I was 17, I attended a global entrepreneurship program where I met non-traditional women entrepreneurs and innovators who expanded my own view of my possibilities. The next year, I founded a high school Young Women’s Leadership conference where I invited female business leaders to tell their stories to girls in Pittsburgh.

Soon after, as a freshman at the University of Pennsylvania, I turned my passion for women’s leadership into activism and began to work with Choice USA, a national women’s rights organization.  I became one of ten national leaders who mobilized the largest youth delegation of over 3,000 college students to attend the March for Women’s Lives on April 25, 2004, a gathering of over 1.15 million people in Washington, D.C.

As an organizer of the March, I worked tirelessly in college to find ways to further the causes of women’s health and reproductive freedom. I fondly recall the image of thousands of sleeping bags around me in Union Hall in Washington DC. Standing together wearing orange shirts, our youth contingent stood out in the sea of one million people on Capitol Hill. This unforgettable image was captured on the front page of the New York Times the next day. For my work organizing the march, I was named one of Teen People’s “20 Teens Who Will Change the World” and one of “15 Students You Don’t Know But Will” in Newsweek’s college edition.

When I look back at these formative years and my activism work, I can’t help but think about the investment that was made in me by women leaders. Now it is our turn to invest in the next generation of girls and women around the world who don’t have the same choices and possibilities.

Choice is not just a privilege, it has a moral dimension. The Girl Effect campaign is helping us invest in girls to change our world.

So, what can you do?

Follow or blog about the Girl Effect Campaign, join the conversation on Twitter/Facebook, donate to a women’s organization, or just be a MENTOR to a girl or young woman. Often, the biggest differences that we make are in our daily lives are to the young people we can touch in our everyday encounters.

And here’s a few more stats for your next conversation….

  • When a girl in the developing world receives seven or more years of education, she marries four years later and has 2.2 fewer children. (United Nations Population Fund, State of World Population 1990.)
  • When women and girls earn income, they reinvest 90 percent of it into their families, as compared to only 30 to 40 percent for a man. (Chris Fortson, “Women’s Rights Vital for Developing World,” Yale News Daily 2003.)
  • One girl in seven in developing countries marries before age 15. (Population Council, “Transitions to Adulthood: Child Marriage/Married Adolescents,”  www.popcouncil.org/ta/mar.html [updated May 13, 2008].)

My Dialogue Walk with Peter Senge

“Never waste your time convincing anyone of anything.  Get them to realize that they are struggling. A community organizer helps groups realize they have deep common interests even though they don’t yet know how to work together.”  -Peter Senge

On Monday, I attended a Social Initiatives meeting led by Arthur Zajonc, author of Meditation as Contemplative Inquiry and professor at Amherst college. Arthur had convened a group of 30 men and women, across generations, countries, and sectors co-facilitated by my greatest teacher Otto Scharmer. My biggest takeaway from this meeting was the power of personal development to enable social change.

Midway through the session, Peter Senge, leading management guru and author of Fifth Discipline, spoke to the group for ten minutes about his own current social initiatives.

Peter discussed the next generation of leaders: “5-15 year olds are the leadership needed to transform our societies. We simply in our present culture do not know how to see the future. We care about kids as customers more than as human beings.”

This sparked a group conversation, and within ten minutes, I noticed a peculiar thing: only the older generation in the group was still talking. My body started trembling and my inner voice said, were they talking about or with the younger generation right now?

Soon after, Arthur made an intervention. He asked the ten younger participants to form a smaller circle in the middle of the larger circle. For the next ten minutes, the younger generation spoke about our own needs, challenges and opportunities we saw in our future, and the older generation just listened.

I then took a 45 minute dialogue walk with Peter Senge to investigate this discussion further. We spoke as human beings, about how for him working and listening to youth made him come alive and about my own challenges speaking in a group around those with so much more experience. We talked about our meditation practices, even how failure has come up for us. What I appreciated most was that we were in real cross-generational dialogue listening to one another, not in a classroom setting where academia created authority boundaries. We embodied the work of community organizers, learning and working with each other in new ways given our common values and interests for the world.

My biggest awakening from the dialogue walk was to just remember that each human being, even Peter Senge (!!), has their own inner revolution which enables their outer revolution. When we all pay attention to our personal leadership work, social change can really happen.

What is good feedback?

Giving and receiving feedback is a critical skill for all leaders. Good feedback is the kind that makes you want to go back to work. It’s not the kind that feels brutal for three days or the kind that says you are the greatest thing in the world. It is specific and particular.
I, like many others, have had difficulty with both giving and receiving feedback in the past. But a conversation with Liz Lerman, choreographer and author of the Critical Response Process, helped me think differently.

She asks, “What puts us in the place to take the things we need to hear? A part of it is respecting the other person. And we also have to be in a place to get it. Feedback is all positive and all opinion. It’s the authentic truth of what is my experience of what you just did.”

I felt relieved from this perspective. Feedback felt much more productive for me when we take ownership to create conditions to be ready to hear it and interpret it as helping us be ‘right’ rather than proving we were ‘wrong.’

In your next feedback session, two tools you can use to improve feedback conversations are:

1)      Liz Lerman’s Critical Response Process, a four step facilitated dialogue originally designed to assist artists at the early stage of creation, now used widely. I have found it to transform these conversations!

2)      FeedForward designed by Marshall GoldSmith, where participants choose one behavior they would like to change and ask for feedforward, two specific suggestions for the future that might help them achieve a positive change in their selected behavior.

How do I unlearn?

The first step is to acknowledge what I have learned. Then to acknowledge that in order to learn I have to feel consciously incompetent and in need of learning. I move from what I learned into a conscious state of unlearning those qualities.

For me, much of my current experience has been unlearning technical knowledge in my business and policy school and moving into a space where I can constantly be learning from a number of different theories and take what I value from all of them into my own.

How do you unlearn in your life?

What would I do if I weren’t afraid?

I’m currently reading the “War of Art: Winning the Inner Creative Battle” where Steven Pressfield describes how I have two lives, the life I live and the unlived life, where resistance is in the way.

Resistance prevents me from doing my work, from being free, from being solo. It’s the different between the artist and fundamentalist.

So, ask yourself: what would I do in a life without resistance, without fear?

Reminder for the day

The art of helping

This quote by Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard truly encapsulates the true art of helping:

“If One Is Truly to Succeed in Leading a Person to a Specific Place, One Must First and Foremost Take Care to Find Him Where He is and Begin There. This is the secret in the entire art of helping.

Anyone who cannot do this is himself under a delusion if he thinks he is able to help someone else. In order truly to help someone else, I must understand more than he–but certainly first and foremost understand what he understands.

If I do not do that, then my greater understanding does not help him at all. If I nevertheless want to assert my greater understanding, then it is because I am vain or proud, then basically instead of benefiting him I really want to be admired by him.

But all true helping begins with a humbling.

The helper must first humble himself under the person he wants to help and thereby understand that to help is not to dominate but to serve, that to help is a not to be the most dominating but the most patient, that to help is a willingness for the time being to put up with being in the wrong and not understanding what the other understands.”