5 Ways of Letting Go of Behaviors Holding You Back

Want to let go of what's holding you back? There are plenty of ways to make it happen. Here are the 5 behaviors that may be holding you back and how to let go of them in order to do the work that matters most. 

1.Feeling Guilty: You know when your are feeling guilty? Its awful right? You have a sense that you can't connect and that you need to do more. You have this bad feeling about a relationship or a commitment and cant do anything about it. Instead: Reframe guilt. It is just a signal that you need to reinvest in how you are managing your role relationships, as a employee, wife, daughter, friend, colleague, or whatever may be. Instead of just 'feeling guilty', remember that you are in the process of renegotiating loyalties and defining the type of leader you want to be. Guilt can feel like a signal of disloyalty, when in fact it is a process of renegotiating loyalty.

2. People Pleasing. It is natural to want to fit in with what others say or want. However, people pleasing is a selfish act because it is all about making ourselves "feel better." Instead remember that people pleasing is fed by the ego and it wastes our time and energy from doing really important work in the world. The world needs your best, not your people pleasing. 

3. Choosing to be liked instead of respected. Choosing to be liked is easy, choosing to be respected can change everything. While sometimes respect and like ability are correlated, they aren't always. When you step into your power, while some people will stop 'liking you' when you value yourself differently, the same amount of people will come up and thank you for being bold, or doing something that others don’t like but you believe in. Being respected is a more empowering feeling than anything else, we all deserve it, we just need to create it for ourselves. 

4. Excessive Complaining: Yes, you know what I'm talking about. We all have times where we are upset and want to complain, vent, or just be angry. And it's healthy and normal, until it gets excessive. Complaining only keeps us in a negative cycle or pattern so we need to move resentment or frustration into a place of acceptance to do work that matters.  

5. Listening to advice from everyone. How many of you have friends and family that are FULL of advice…that makes NO sense? Your parents will tell you to stay in the same job forever or your friend tells you you're not cut out for something. Well, advice is only as relative as it is to the person. We have to choose what advice we listen to so we don't hold back from doing what we really want in the world and unleash our potential. 

 

Are there other ways you let go of behaviors holding you back? 

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12 Things Great Leaders Always Do

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

We all know them. That one person who is not just a great leader, but who also makes a lasting impact. We remember them, follow them, and reference their thinking long after our connection with them is over. 

What is it that makes such a great leader? What do they have that others don't? I've been lucky to meet many great leaders and discovered they all share these twelve characteristics. 

So, here are 12 things YOU can do to become a great leader:

1. Pick your fights. Don’t waste your resources. Its important to stand up for your ideals, but don’t keep fighting when its draining you and it doesn't really matter. 

2. Work with exceptional people. Everything is about benchmarking. If you bring a great group of people together, they will even become better by the benchmark they have within the group.

3. Don't let the world beat you down. The best characteristics of a leader are being optimistic and naive.

4. Decide quickly. A bad decision is better than no decision. We learn by doing, instead of inaction. 

5. When asked for advice, sometimes the best advice is to not to give any advice. Usually when others ask for your advice, they already know the solution, but they just need a bit of confidence or some coaching to get there.

6. Focus on the things you can control. Those who focus on the things they cannot control become cynical. Choose what you focus on by what you can control. 

7. Be vulnerable. In a recent TED Talk, shame researcher Brene Brown shares that vulnerability is our ability to tell our true story and not to fear rejection. Moreover, it’s the understanding of ourselves as imperfect that makes us brave. Vulnerability enables connection more than anything else. 

8. Choose curiosity over confidence anyday. Live with a questioning mind and you'll never believe where you go. 

9. Accept that you can do everything perfect and fail and you can everything wrong and succeed. Life isn't fair, it's the plain truth, some get lucky and some don't. It's up to us to let the journey guide us..and learn from it.

10. When looking for great people, choose hunger and excitement over experience. Never choose people who think they are 'doing you a favor.' Find people who are excited to work with you. 

11. Don't wait to ask, to test and incubate new ideas. Read Why Asking is your #1 Strategy for Success for more. 

12. Don’t Ask for a No. When you think something is the right thing to do, just do it. You don't need approval from anybody, just you.

Which of these traits are most important to you?