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While a mentor is someone whose highest value is when you are in room with them, providing you advice and skills to grow your career, a “sponsor” is someone whose highest value is when you are not in the room with them — such as advocating for your next promotion and making connections to senior leaders both inside and outside of your company.

My sponsor and I weren’t just the typical advisor-advisee relationship; we became what I call “sparring partners.” Every time we met, we had really important conversations that shifted the direction of my thinking through deep questioning. I asked her for help getting promotions, debated big decisions with her, and began to gain new opportunities just by the conversations she had with others when I wasn’t in the room. Looking back, making the most of my first sponsor relationship changed my life.

Now I take a very different approach. Everyone can have their own sponsors, but they need to learn how to make it worthwhile for both parties.

Want to make the most of the sponsors in your life? Here are seven ways to shore up your relationship:

1. When looking for sponsors, reach out to them first with what you want to achieve. They are there to help you create your future reality, but you need to define what your future reality is for them first.
2. Be clear on what a sponsor can do, and what makes sense to ask him or her. Don’t ask for too much at the beginning. Nurture the relationship and show that you’re worth it based on your skills, expertise and potential.
3. Ask your sponsor for help. It can make all the difference in your career, from raises to promotions. In fact, according to research in The Sponsor Effect, without a sponsor behind them, “The majority of unsponsored men (67%) and women (70%) resist confronting their boss about a raise; with a sponsor in their corner, nearly half of men and 38% of women summon the courage to negotiate. A sponsor confers a statistical career benefit of anything from 22 to 30%, depending on what’s being requested (assignment or pay raise) and who’s asking (men or women).” (More on the findings here.)
4. Recognize your value to the sponsor. Sponsors want to hear your perspective, understand your challenges and help you grow. Find ways to support them and ask them about their challenges — you’ll be surprised how much value you can add back!
5. Reach out to sponsors who are different from you. The days when sponsors tended to choose protégés who looked like them (and everyone else in the senior group) are disappearing. And that’s leading to a culture shift. You never know what you can learn. Male sponsors and sponsors from different sectors and cultures can be great advocates for young women. Get out of your comfort zone and build your own personal sponsors.
6. Learn how to use offline and online sponsors. In-person meetings with sponsors are much more helpful than emails or phone calls. Be prepared to know and ask for what you need when you are in proximity to them. Don’t expect email responses all the time. Give them a call, or plan time to meet them. Share with them that they are on your personal board.
7. Be careful if you work for a sponsor. Sponsors who work with you will have a set of loyalties to others; thus, you must be careful in managing this sponsor relationship. A sponsor should be someone who can go to bat to support you — even if you’d like to leave the company.

This post first appeared at Forbes.com.

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